아무 말 말고 그대로 멈춰라*

* = don't say anything, stop right there (ah-moo-mal-mal-go geu-dae-ro  mom-chuh-rah); from my favorite song this week.

Today's theme: successes & failures.  In pictures!

1) Saw my beautiful Jeong-ah Unni and spent a wonderful afternoon with her.  Also, she finally helped me to procure (now that I have my bank account, thanks to Jung Min Unni) a real-person cell phone.  For about $75, it is easily the most tricked out phone I've ever owned, complete with a dictionary, map of the subway, and video calling, among other things.  Success.

 Goodbye jankified Motorola, hello gorgeous (PINK) Samsung (and thank you to Jeong-ah Unni for the help & the new phone charm!).

2) Saw Hayeon and spent a typically hilarious day with her.  We ate beef & bacon kimbap at School Food (a tramped-up Korean fast food joint), which was surprisingly tasty, and watched a couple of models from a nearby agency share approximately 1.5 dishes between five people.  Success.

3) Post-lunch, we spent about an hour wandering the streets of Apgujeong looking for a Paris Croissant that no longer exists.  At least it was funny.  Success and Fail.

This sign (from the School Food branch in Apgujeong) is pretty much a fail.

3) I did laundry in my apartment (after calling Hayeon and having her explain what every single button on my machine meant) and nothing appears shredded, discolored, or unreasonably shrunken.  It smells like the fabric softener, too, so that must mean that I at least put the fabric softener in the right slot.  Success.

4) Due to seasonable humidity, laundry takes about 3 days to dry and my already rinky-dinky apartment now looks like this. Fail.

I guess I don't need to walk here.

Forthcoming: midterms, Jihye Unni, Light Fellow Light Site visit, and god-willing some 노래방, or Korean karaoke

Quoted: "Willful to make my days meaningful." - a very smart 한정민 언니

넌 재미없어, 매너 없어*

* = you're boring, you have no manners (nun jaemi-oebsuh, maenuh-oebsuh)

I said I'm not an obsessive blogger (and I was only half-kidding), but my dissatisfaction with the hit for hit, "here's-what-I-did-this-week-okay-bye" nature of most of my posts has encouraged me to write more when I feel like I have something to say.  Not that anything that I say is important or noteworthy in any way, but blogging does fill the space on a quiet Friday night as I gear up for what will hopefully be 12-hour sleepfest (but I still haven't bought a pillow and have been sleeping on a balled up Yale sweatshirt, so this will probably be a fail).  The more I sleep, the less likely I will be to pass out tomorrow during the 11:00 KST Korea-Uruguay World Cup game.  I was invited to watch this game at my new friend Won-Hyeok Oppa's apartment with a bunch of Koreans from Jung Min Unni's church.  At first, I was apprehensive about it, especially because Jung Min Unni may be out somewhere else; wouldn't it be weird, I thought, to spend the entire evening with a bunch of people connected to my friend without said friend?  But then again, I've done absolutely nothing fun in terms of watching the World Cup (which is not to say I didn't enjoy watching it with Unni's family, but I think that there is something distinct about cheering with a large group of people who are so passionate - it's probably worth experiencing), and I probably wouldn't want to venture out to the public cheering venues alone.  Additionally, I've spent the last couple of weeks bitching and moaning about how I won't ever have friends again after all my Yale buddies leave, so this might be a good opportunity to meet some nice people and jumpstart my speaking skills (which I kind of think have pathetically stagnated - but that's another post).

Anyway.  Today, I'd like to talk about manners, because in Korea, this is pretty much all people care about. And that's only a slight exaggeration.

When I say Koreans care about manners, I don't mean that they care about them in the "American" sense - i.e. opening doors for people, apologizing for bumping into someone, saying "thank you," etc. - I mean that they care intensely about whether or not someone is perceived as being disrespectful towards them or someone else (ironically, Koreans are notorious for being rude in the American sense - just ride a subway during rush hour to see what I mean).  In Korea, there are a thousand ways to be disrespectful - you can eat the wrong way at a table, drink your alcohol the wrong way, bow the wrong way- just today, during a brief visit to Unni's house to say hello to her mom, Unni told me quietly that my posture (leaning against a chair with my arms crossed) was quite rude and to sit upright.  But the most profound way to be disrespectful in Korea (and the most common) is to fail to address someone using the proper form of speech.

For a foreigner learning Korean, the different levels of respect in the Korean language can be just about impossible to internalize.  I've mentioned it before, but a brief overview for the new readers would be that Korean has a number of of speech levels, and so far I've learned/been exposed to four:

1. 반말, banmal, or common speech.  This is used to talk to people your own age (people who were born in the same lunar year as you, so I can use common speech with no problems to people born between February 1988 - February 1989), people younger than you, or friends/family that you are extremely close to.  Parents and children most often communicate in common speech, as do close friends of any age - although if you are younger and wish to speak commonly to an older friend, you should not do so until that older friend has given you permission (I'm not kidding).  To assume that you can use common speech is dangerous; actually, one of the first questions Koreans ask people they've just met is how old they are, so that they can gauge how they should be speaking to them.  Unlike how it is in the US, this is not perceived as rude in any way.  Rather, if you don't ask and try to guess and guess wrongly, this will be perceived as rude.
2. The first form of respectful speech, which is basically not disrespectful, but not overly formal or respectful.  If you study Korean, this is the form you learn when conjugating verbs for the first time (공부해요, 가요).  When speaking to someone older or referring to yourself, use this (you should NEVER use overly respectful speech to refer to yourself, as this is vain or egotistical, which is the opposite of humble, which is what EVERYONE HERE WANTS TO BE).
3. 존댓말, respectful speech.  This is used when speaking to anyone older than you as a complement to the first form of respectful speech above - when you are talking about or asking about an older person (or person you should respect), you use this form.  This form also comes with some honorific vocabulary words that replace their common equivalents - there are separate honorific words for "to eat," "to sleep," and "to be," to name just a few.  Failure to use these words gets you an automatic "rude" stamp.  See below for examples.
4. The mother of 존댓말, which may have a name, but I don't know it.  This is the god of all respectful speech (with the exception of the speech form used to address royalty, which has been basically relegated to an artifact used for Korean period dramas or historical movies, because there hasn't been any royalty in Korea in about a century).  It's used in the workplace, on the news, or whenever you go to a store and are helped by customer service/sales representatives (whom I can't stand, but again, that's another post).  I am abysmal at using this form of speech; I'm not much better with the others, but thankfully my need to use this is far lesser than is my need to have a handle on the others.

If all of this sounds horribly confusing, it's because it absolutely is.   Here is a fun anecdote to illustrate: as mentioned, last weekend I was at Jung Min Unni's grandfather's birthday, and wanting to be nice and respectful (and because Unni told me to), I poked my head into the kitchen while Unni's mom, aunt, and the housekeeper were preparing dinner and asked, "어머님, 도와줄 수 있어요?" which means, "Mom (respectful term), can I help you?"  Although both Unni's mom and aunt praised me for my thoughtfulness before shooing me out of the kitchen, Unni pulled me aside after and said, "빵굴, you shouldn't ask it that way.  You should have said, '어머님, 도와들일 수 있어요?'  It was nice of you to offer, but the way you said it was rude."  The reason behind my mistake was that I had forgotten that there is an honorific word for "to give," used when you are giving something to someone older (for Korean students: 주다 when you give something to someone your age or younger, 드리다 when you give something to someone older).  Now, I know that Unni was simply trying to help me, and I'm very grateful for the correction, but I found it absolutely asinine that this must be the only country in which you can offer your help to someone and be called rude in the process.

Figuring out when it's okay to switch up and down is a beast as well.  With Unni's parents, I always tried to use the third form of respectful speech, but because I'm simply not used to it, I slipped up a lot.  Today, I actually slipped and used common speech - I felt quite bad about it and immediately amended, but it didn't go unnoticed.  The problem is that I speak to Unni in common speech (having of course gotten her permission to do so), and so when I'm talking to both her and her mom at the same time, my brain needs to work overtime to turn out what I say to her in one form and what I say to her mom in another.  Sometimes, I'm pretty sure Korean is not one language, but four.

And the age thing!  People here are so goddamn obsessed with age.  Even one year means the difference between common speech and formal speech. It even means a difference in the most basic form of address.  Readers must surely have noticed how I almost always add "Unni" after the name of any female friend (or in Jung Min's case, just refer to her simply as Unni); that is because this word is a respectful word used by females to address older females (it means "older sister"), and most of my Korean friends are older than me.  Calling someone by their first name is generally a privilege given only to those who are older than you or the same age - no matter how close you are with an older female friend, you must always address them by the term "older sister."  You can add their name to distinguish them from other older friends, but it must be followed with "언니, unni."  The same applies to siblings as well; the older are always called "older sister" and "older brother," while the older address the younger by name.  Oh, and in case it couldn't get a little more confusing, there are separate terms for girls to use and for guys to use.

I realized how lax people are with me and my shitty Korean when I was out to lunch last April with my friend Yoonhee Unni, who is perhaps five or six years older than me.  Yoonhee Unni told me it was quite alright to use common speech with her (actually, nearly all of my unnies have said the same thing), and so I did, but when Jung Min Unni joined us later in the meal, I was surprised to hear her address Yoonhee, who is maybe only one or two years her senior, in formal speech.  It made me feel sheepish and rude - I, who am easily almost always the youngest at any gathering of Korean friends, go around shooting off common speech to all of my 선배들, or seniors, while Unni maintains a respectful tone even though these are her friends and classmates, people she is much closer to than I am and people she has known for far longer than have I.  I asked her about this once, and she kind of shrugged and was like, "빵굴, Yoonhee Unni is older than me."  She said it as though this explanation should have been sufficient and obvious.  But I still didn't understand - I wanted to ask, isn't Yoonhee your friend?  Didn't you guys go to the same undergrad college?  Doesn't Helen (another friend, around my age), use common speech when talking to Yoonhee, too?  Why isn't it okay for you to drop the formalities when she has no problem with me having done so?  Is it really just because I'm a foreigner and people assume I'm too stupid to handle the changes in speech level (an assumption which is actually not far from accurate?).

The other day, I was out with Jihye Unni and some of her friends from the Seoul Phil, most of whom I had just met for the first time.  I made an effort to use respectful speech, which is standard when you don't know someone well, and addressed one of her friends, Haesung, as "해성 씨, (Haesung Ssi)" which is basically a super-respectful way to address someone - I guess the best English equivalent would be "Miss Haesung," which is really not an accurate translation, but I suppose the gist is similar.  When I did this, everyone laughed, including Haesung, and Jihye said, "Just call her unni!"  As though this, too, was supposed to be obvious - although I was told (and believed) that calling someone "unni" meant that you had a certain degree of closeness, i.e. were not total strangers meeting for the first time.  Meanwhile, last week, I sent a text message to a male acquaintance of mine and Jung Min's that we'd met at Suon Unni's wedding, and since I don't know him very well, I asked Jung Min Unni if I could address him as "oppa," which is the term girls use to address older guys (older brother).  She looked kind of perplexed, and then said she didn't know if that was too inappropriate and to just call him "우형씨, (Woohyung Ssi), using the same respectful ending I used to address Jihye's friend Haesung.  I have noticed that it is Unni's tendency to always use the respectful form, even if people tell her to drop it, so this might just be her, but if Woohyung noticed anything odd about my message or was bothered by my choice of words, his reply didn't indicate it.

And then today!  While at Jung Min Unni's the aforementioned Won-Hyeok Oppa stopped by to see us and told me when I answered him respectfully to just drop the formal and speak commonly.  We've spent maybe a collective 40 minutes together.  WHAT IS THIS.  The crazy thing is that I seem to be receiving mixed signals from like, everyone I know, but none of the Koreans I know seem to find it odd at all.  Can someone like, just write a book and tell me the exact moment in any relationship at which I can transition from formal to informal (if there even IS a point when that is appropriate?).  Because I am tired of trying to figure out on my own when I am sounding like a rude bitch, and when I try not to sound like a rude bitch, people laugh at how overly formal I am being!  Where on earth is the middle ground????

While out with Michelle on Wednesday, I ran into Jung Min Unni's best friend from college, who I met for about 10 minutes last week, and addressed her as "Euna Unni."  Having written this post, I am now wondering if that was rude, and maybe I shouldn't have sounded so overly familiar and just stuck with "Euna Ssi" and now I think my brain might explode.

(Personally, I think that all the rules governing speech formality are excessive and produce a ridiculous kind of superficial respect - it's like, yeah, you probably don't want to sound this goddamn polite, but you want to save face, so you do.  It's almost as though this institutionalization of speech has been flipped on its head - the idea is for it to SOUND as though you are humbling yourself before another, but it almost has the effect of "showing off" how polite and well-mannered you can sound.  Who is the real beneficiary, anyway?  But no one asked me, of course.)

side note for Korean readers: Koreans also LUV nicknames, and 빵굴 is the nickname given to me by Unni - so don't panic if Naver didn't turn out a translation.

철없게 철없게 철없게 철없게 철없게 철없게 철없게 살다가 미쳐*

 * = living foolishly makes me crazy (sorry, not supplying the romanization for this - look how long it is.  no way. To make up for it, I'll link you to the song where it comes from, T-Ara's "I Go Crazy Because of You.")

After last week's emo-tastic post, I realized that I needed to stop whining, put away the Good Charlotte CD, throw out my studded bracelets (you totally had them, too, so don't judge), and grow up.  Okay, not exactly, but things actually did get markedly better after I wrote that post (maybe writing is therapeutic?) and I have some thrilling news to report: I moved out!

Moving itself was a giant hassle; Unni and her mom drove all the way out to Sinchon with my bags (how they managed that, I don't quite know) on Monday afternoon to meet me at my new place after classes.  But because I can't do anything without it being a huge dramatic production, providence did not allow that they meet me in front of the apartment by car and there were about 15 minutes of frantic text-messaging and phone-calling while simultaneously trying to understand everything my landlady was saying about codes for the apartment locks and why my bed was mysteriously not in the room.  Turns out that Unni and her mom got a bit lost trying to find a way to drive onto my street, which was actually totally expected; I live on a hill side-street that has no obvious connections to any main roads.  The real problem was that I couldn't adequately deal with their being lost because my shitty-ass prepaid phone (the one that I described last year as looking as though it had been through a laundry machine several times) charges me about a dollar a minute if I call anyone.  Therefore, I couldn't take any calls while talking to my landlady, but could not call back once I was done with her.  Fortunately, I have now procured myself a magical Alien Registration Card, which allows me to open a bank account, which in turn allows me to make a contract for a legitimate cell phone.  Oh, the excitement!

Anyway.  Eventually, I was able to meet Unni and her mom at the bottom of the hill, where we unloaded my bags and I proceeded to drag my 50-something pound suitcase (weight estimated) up a steep flight of stairs, up the hill, and then up the two flights of more stairs to my floor.  Once we got all of my crap inside, Unni's mom pulled out a generous supply of fruit, dried seaweed, rice, banchan, utensils, cutlery, bowls, pans, soap, bathroom supplies, and a full set of bedding.  I was rendered basically speechless by this final and amazing act of generosity from this family; it would have been enough to house and feed me for 2.5 weeks, but even after all that, they went out of their way to provide for me as I moved out of their care and into independence.  While saying goodbye to 어머님, who had to leave almost right away to take Yunji to the dentist, I actually began to cry because I was so touched by how much she had done for me.  Sap.

Buuuuuuut as mentioned, there was no bed in my place (it was being cleaned?), so I wound up back in Apgujeong that night, much to the chagrin of Unni, who thought she was done having to share her bed and blankets with naggy 빵굴. 메롱!

Tuesday, I moved for real and haven't been back to Apgu since.  But I'm planning to go tomorrow so that Unni can help me open a bank account.  Pathetic, but I miss her and her fam - I wonder if they miss the presence of the bumbling American as well?  In any case, I think Unni does ㅋㅋㅋ

Well, I know none of you care about the above explanation, so I'll just move onto pictures of Dana's First Big Girl Apartment (which is ironically smaller than 3 of 4 dorm rooms I had at Yale.  Independence certainly comes at a price - literally).

bed !  pictured are my housemates, Chewy and Bbangdori (whose English name is Tom Canty).  Note that there is no pillow because a pillow did not come with the set of bedding that I was generously given, and I have been too lazy to go out and get one.  Also pictured (but barely visible) is the remote control to my beautiful Whisen air conditioner.  In this fucking sauna of a country, it's necessary.

I'm not really sure why blogger is not letting me rotate pictures but this one should be rotated one degree counterclockwise.  It is my "kitchen" - a sink, one electric burner, some cabinets, and a fridge.  Also peaking out is my laundry machine, which is not equipped with a dryer (although no one in Korea seems to use them).  Microwave not pictured, but I have one, which is good because pretty much all I can prepare is pre-cooked microwaveable rice.

The uber-cute dish towel Unni's mom bought for me, which has a stuffed turtle hanging off one end.  SQUEAL.

pathetically stocked fridge.  Unni's mom got me every single item.  I swear, I'm a capable person.

bathroom !  It's a Korean style "wet bathroom," which means there is no partition between the shower and the rest of the bathroom, so showering renders everything (you guessed it) wet.  These are becoming less common in newer (read: fucking expensive) apartment complexes, but even Unni's family had a semi-wet bathroom; they had a tub with the shower head in it, but no curtain shielding it from the rest of the bathroom.  Anyway, I am used to the wet bathroom from last summer, and I have basically no complaints about the bathroom.  Good water pressure, too.  I just wish I knew which supplies to purchase to clean it.

bathroom cabinet stocked with reliable American products and medicine.  I wonder how this cabinet will look in 6 months or so.

shoe closet.  Necessary because Koreans do not wear shoes indoors.  Clearly, this shoe closet was either intended for a family or a Korean girl, because who the sam hell has enough shoes to fill this?  Korean girls, that's who.

closet + desk.  Nothing much to report about these, except I wish the desk had a drawer or some sort.

dinner in the apartment.  This is microwaveable pre-cooked rice, dried seaweed (gim), and my fave fave fave banchan, a vegetable kimchi thing whose name I have yet to learn despite having eaten it basically every day since I have been here.  I think it's radish, and it's cut into tiny strips and it also has green stem-like things in it (I provide this description in case anyone, i.e. Kelly McLaughlin, feels like taking a guess / asking his wife).  Anyway, you eat it like this: you take a sheet of the seaweed, put some of the banchan and rice on it, and roll it using the chopsticks into a kind of weak maki-style roll.  It might sound gross, but it's delicious.  All of this food (including the mug, the water in the mug, the chopsticks, and the spoon) was given to me by Unni's mom.  감사감사감사합니다 (thank you thank you thank you)!!!

my giant 16-pack of dried seaweed <3 (also a gift from Unni's mom).

 Well, moving + all of these pictures kind of ate this post, so I'll bullet point the highlights of the week.

• Double-Unni Saturday.  Saturday was one of my last days with the Hans, so Unni and I decided to spend a part of the day taking in Apgujeong.  We went to her favorite cafe, which was a beautiful and untouched (and NOT A CHAIN, which is actually pretty rare) cafe tucked behind a Coffee Bean and Tom & Toms (both Korean coffee chains).  We shared a delicious waffle and some lovely conversation.  Then we went to church (don't freak out; I have no idea what's going on during service, so it offends me little), and I met some of Unni's friends, who will hopefully be my friends when she goes back to America.  We ate with one of them at a really amazing shabu shabu place, and I know it's Japanese, but I LOVE SHABU SHABU and I would have it basically everyday if possible.  Anyway, during dinner, I got a phone call from my old tutor, the one and only JaeIn Shin, who was in Seoul for the weekend (she lives in Daejeon).  It wasn't hard to convince me to go meet up with her and hang out with her and her best friends from college, all of whom were super nice.  It was wonderful to see Jaein Unni again, she was one of my closest friends during the past year and I missed her greatly.


• However.  I would like to take this opportunity to report on something stupid I did with JaeIn Unni in the hopes that current and future Light Fellows will not find themselves in an uncomfortable situation.  JaeIn Unni had asked me if I would mind going clubbing with her and her friends, and I saw no problems with that; what's the harm in a little drinking and a lot of dancing?  But she didn't tell me that the type of club we were going to was not your average dance club, but a "booking" club.  When Koreans say they're going booking, this means that they're going to this type of club where men pay for a room or table (this can run them up to or over $1000, I hear) and girls show up, pay a cover fee of about 10,000 KRW (~$10), and then get dragged - forcibly - by men who work at the club and deposited into rooms or at tables with men they do not know.  The whole thing is kind of like a blind dating club, only it is all vaguely reminiscent of sexual harassment.  I'm fairly sure that these types of clubs would be illegal in the US, or simply impractical because they'd soon be out of business with all the lawsuits they'd encounter.  Anyway, once you're at a table/in a room, you're encouraged to drink.  And drink.  And drink.  And accept the advances of equally drunk and unsavory men.  And if you don't like the room you're in, feel free to leave - but the minute you step out into the hallway, just keep in mind that a club host is going to grab you and drag you into yet another room, anyway.  I was literally dragged away from JaeIn Unni, despite clinging desperately to her hand and screaming in English that I didn't speak Korean.  It was kind of horrifying.  Fortunately, as soon as I asked her to, JaeIn Unni took me back to Jung Min Unni's place and made sure I was taken care of before leaving me, but by this point I was profoundly drunk and disheveled.  Sadly, the only solution to put you at ease if you are stuck at a booking is drinking, and that is dangerous in these circumstances.  So in the words of Gummy, a popular Korean R&B singer, "Ladies, 잘 들어" (ladies, listen up).  Booking is dangerous, and I wouldn't recommend going unless you know exactly what you're getting into and don't mind OR are going with someone you trust implicitly.  And even in those cases, I would still caution against it.


• 생신.  This word, saengshin, is the honorific word for "birthday," and this Sunday was Unni's grandfather's 86th birthday.  The Hans very generously brought me along for his birthday dinner at her grandparent's place in Bundang.  The food was plentiful and delicious (although I was nursing a horrific hangover and had a weak appetite), and I discovered that Korean families sing "Happy Birthday" in English.  Okay.  Otherwise, a nice chance to get to spend my last day in Apgu with Unni's entire family.
• Hangang by night.  Unni's family lives in a wonderful location that is walking distance from the Han River and its accompanying Han River Park (Hangang Park, 한강 공원).  The place really lights up after hours, and in addition to a beautiful view of the pride of Seoul (the river cuts through the entire city), you can hang out with the hundreds of other people who've come to picnic, walk, work out, or just chill on the riverbank.  Unni and I went to her favorite waterfront restaurant for dessert.  We've promised to go back soon.
• JIHYE CHUNG REUNION.  Readers of Dana in Soko v.1 may remember Jihye Unni as the beloved friend who took me out partying and introduced me to a bunch of cool kids from the Seoul Philharmonic.  She and her boyfriend Wayne still live here & still play in the Orchestra.  Wayne's in America visiting his family, but Jihye Unni and I met up on Monday afternoon for shopping and dinner.  Tomorrow we have plans to meet again :)  I love seeing old friends!
• Ewha Ewha Ewha.  The town that I now live in, Sinchon, is no Apgujeong - due to the presence of four universities (Sogang, Yonsei, Hongik, and Ewha) within walking distance, it is noisy, dirty, overcrowded, and densely populated with stores and restaurants.  My fave area, though, is the area surrounding Ewha Woman's University, a school that boasts such illustrious graduates as Hayeon's mom and Jung Min Han (who graduated first in her department, what up!).  On a serious note, Ewha is lauded in Korea for being the best-known woman's university and one of the best universities in the entire country.  If I get a chance, I'd like to audit classes there or something - it's gorgeous and I love the feel of the campus.  In any case, because it's a woman's uni, the surrounding area is FULL of inexpensive shoe stores, clothes shops, boutiques, salons, makeup shops, cafes, and restaurants.  It's girl paradise.  Yesterday, I went there with Michelle Cho (after a delicious dinner of curry ddalkgalbi, or spicy chicken - SO AMAZING) and we got manicures for the American equivalent of less than 10 dollars.  It was such a nice way to chill and blow off some steam.  Also, my nails are pale purple and I <3 them.  Since it's so inexpensive, I can easily see myself going for a manicure like, once a month or so.  I also went back to Ewha today to do some shopping, and I bought myself two uber cute dresses (Korean females are all about the sundress).  Plan to go back ASAP for more clothing.

I don't think I mentioned school once in the entire duration of this post.  That is actually probably a good thing, because it means I don't feel the need to whine about Sogang, but it probably indicates that I need to spend more time in future posts on my observations of Korean nuances and my edu-ma-cation.  That will probably be possible now that the move is over and life will get dull (hah!).  News about classes, my potential bank account, and new cell phone forthcoming.

이말 밖에는 못 해*

* = I can't say anything but this (ee-mal bakk-eh-neun mot-hae)

I'm a frequent browser of the blogosphere, and I recently came across the clever musings of a friend of a friend who is also living in Korea.  In addition to offering a clean and intelligent perspective on the country, he ended one entry with this line:  "I write because I can't afford therapy."

This probably isn't a completely original line, and I'm sure he's not the first person who found comfort in the written word where human intervention has failed.  I am not a professional blogger, and since I have more or less confirmation that almost nobody reads this thing anyway, I'd like to indulge my own need for clarity and peace of mind here.  As always, feel free to disregard.

It is not an understatement or even a novel statement to say that the year-long Light Fellowship is an entirely different beast than is the summer or even semester-long study abroad experience.  It requires, to more or less quote a past year-long Fellow, establishing a life here in practical ways that are not necessarily limited to the necessities of an alien registration card, bank account, cell phone contract, etc.  A life is certainly more than who you are on paper; it's more than a series of numbers.

I am not just a year-long Light Fellow, I am a recent Yale graduate whose study abroad experience has been interestingly merged with her adjustment to life as a graduate, also known as life in the real world as a real adult.  But in a lot of ways, this experience (at least for the summer) feels like a pause, or a delay before the "real world" actually claims me as one of its own.  Yes, I graduated; yes, I am technically no longer a Yale student.  But I am on a Yale Fellowship, and my connection to the university is by no means tenuous.  Aside from the fact that I won't be returning to New Haven come September, I "owe" Yale these blog posts, "owe" them passing marks in all of my classes, "owe" them this entire experience.  Not that I'm complaining about that; but it does have the effect of making my graduate status seem much less distinct.

Additionally, I have the simultaneously amazing and terrifying experience of having moved to this country with my two best friends and a whole host of wonderful people from Yale.  Their presence here is an incredible comfort during this adjustment period, but I suppose that for me, my June has essentially been everyone else from my graduating class' March.  No matter how much fun you are having, or how much you are enjoying your experience and the people around you, there is this horrible nagging feeling that time is slipping from you, the the inevitable separation is just around the corner.

Come August, Jung Min Unni will go back to Yale, Hayeon will go to China, and for the first time in our friendships, I don't know when I will be together with either of them again for any extended period of time.  It is absolutely horrifying (at least to me), that for the rest of our lives, our relationships may very well be buoyed by, if not entirely dependent on, email, phone calls every so often, and sporadic visits when our paths cross and we wind up in the same country or city.  I don't want it.  Why is change so frightening and unimaginable?

I'm afraid of being replaced, of fading into insignificance in their lives.  I'm afraid that promises are empty, that the busy pace of our lives will negate our desire to pick up the phone.  I am afraid of who I am without them, without familiarity surrounding me and supporting me.  It's terrible, and Jung Min Unni quite frankly told me last night that I have to learn to rely on myself and stand on my own two feet.  She is, of course, completely right; I just haven't the foggiest clue of how to begin teaching myself to let go.

If only it were as easy as memorizing a list of vocab words.  That can seem like a daunting task, especially if you are of poor memory, but it is quite literally the least of my problems right now.

Whining gets me nowhere, tears give way to more tears, and it's quite clear that the only thing to do is pick myself up and move forward, relying on a sense of confidence I don't think I have in myself and the people around me to keep up their end of whatever bargains we make.

If change is around the corner, I hope that it brings with it a change in my ability to cope.

부족한 마음이 있어서 용서해줘.  난 약속들 잘 기억할게.  먼곳에 있어도 영원히 사랑해줄게.

대~한민국! 화이팅!*

* = Go Korea!  (dae-han-min-guk!  hwaiting!)

Of course it's from a song.  It wouldn't be Korea if every relevant pop group (almost) didn't make and record a music video supporting the (South) Korean soccer team in its bid for FIFA World Cup domination.  And indeed, a very scrawny-looking, but technically-skilled Korean team bested 2004 Euro Cup champion Greece in their first match in South Africa.  I watched the game with most of the Han family, and while it was a lot of fun just to be able to watch the game, I was a bit regretful that I didn't go anywhere major to experience the drama and hysteria that is a country completely invested in this tournament.  America certainly doesn't give a shit (although HAHA at England's suckery in their first match against us), so it's an interesting and unique experience to be in a place where news feeds replaying Park Ji-Sung's goal laughably dwarf the number of those reporting on South Korea's latest failure to launch a rocket into space, or Kim Jong-Il and North Korea (oh hey, remember that guy?).  There's another game on Thursday, and while I fear that Korea won't fare as well against a very talented Argentinean team as they did against Greece, I'd still like to go somewhere borderline violent to watch.  But I need a Red Devils shirt first!*

As a pointless aside, I watched the news with 아버님 a day or two after the game and there was literally a 30 minute segment devoted to COVERAGE of the soccer game, not even the game itself.  This included, but was not limited to, shots of various people going insane everytime Korea scored, countless replays of both goals and some saves, and about 10 minutes of footage taken in Greece of people in restaurants looking bored/pissed.  Nope, not kidding.

So!  Week 2.

I will report first on that which no one cares about (or do you?): school.
It is with great pleasure that I report to you that I am not a total failure at level 4!  This is a nice change from this time last year, when I was essentially ready to commit hari kari over my ineptitude at level 3.

I missed the first couple of days of level 4 due to a combination of not being in Korea and the intrusion of powers beyond my control, but it appears to be structured somewhat differently than is level 3.  While level 3 had one hour of writing followed by two hours of speaking followed by one hour of reading/listening, level 4 merges listening into the speaking segment so as to give extra emphasis to speaking.  I think the final schedule winds up looking like writing --> speaking --> speaking/listening --> speaking/reading.  Or something.  I actually prefer this, because listening and reading are markedly easier to handle when they are combined with an interactive activity like...um...talking.

My teachers are, for the most part, a very large win; my speaking teacher, Jang SooJin Sunsaengnim, has forced me to reconsider how I define "ball of absolute adorableness," because she may or may not be the cutest thing I have ever met.  My reading teacher, whom I reported last week spoke at the speed of a mouse's heartbeat (look it up, fools), looks kind of like a Pixar character and shouts everything, but is super nice and cute nonetheless.  After one week of her shouting, I've pretty much adjusted to her style of speaking and I have far fewer comprehension problems now.

It is, however, with disappointment that I say that my writing class is a very big fail on all accounts.  Considering that writing was basically my fave (or the only thing I was good at) last year, this is quite upsetting.  I think that level 4 writing is poorly designed; there doesn't seem to be any continuity between what we do or what we cover in our other classes, or maybe it's just that my teacher is boring, old, chronically late to class, or just kind of shitty on the whole.  Such a departure from my beloved Choi HyunJi Sunsaengnim of last year (who I am going to meet again soon - yay!).  It's extra shitty because writing is the first class of the day and begins at 9am every morning.  It's a horrible way to warm up to your school day; you're exhausted, you've just climbed up 10 flights of stairs to get to your classroom because the elevator was full (again), your teacher blows, the exercises seem pointless and frustrating, and you just want to go home.  Fortunately, this all melts away as the day progresses, but MAN it is a really terrible way to begin one's day.

In non-school related news: Korea is hot and muggy and I could kill someone.  It makes me pine for the fall, but not really, because in the fall everyone is going to leave me and I'm going to be alone with no friends and no life.  Wait for it.

Anyway.  I'm still living with the Hans, although I finally managed to put down the deposit on my apartment and paid my first month's rent today (!).  Living here is still basically awesome; the food is fab, everyone is super kind, and I love Jung Min Unni an absurd amount.  Even if we spend the whole day out, it's really comforting to come home at night to one of your best friends.  I'm glad I'm gonna be living in an apartment rather than a goshitel/hasukjib because four years of shared bathrooms was enough, but I am sad that I won't have a roommate or housemate to share things with or to come home to.  Even after I move out of the Hans, I plan to come here at least a couple of times a week, because I love this feeling of family even though I'm so far from what is technically called "home" and the people who are technically called "family."

At the same time, however, living with a family that is not your own has its restrictions and limitations; understandably, they haven't given me the code to the apartment, so it's quite difficult (read: impossible) for me to come and go as I please.  This isn't really a problem during the day, but it does imply that it might be poor form to go out on a Friday night, get sauced, and come home drunk at 3am with the expectation that someone will be awake to let me in.  Not that I'm planning to do this or anything, but you get the general idea.  As someone who hasn't lived at home since 2006, the check on my independence is a bit irritating; nevertheless, I think the pros of this living environment far outweigh the cons of limited freedom for a couple of weeks.  I have the rest of the year to be an independent woman; I can accept a little limit right now.

Oh, but the commute is still annoying.  I think I said it wasn't that bad last week, but when you're on the subway at 8am and you realize that if you were living elsewhere, you would probably still be asleep, it's a blow.  Especially because school is early enough as it is and my schedule is not radically different from my Yale schedule (staying up late studying, hanging out with Unni & fam, meeting friends, etc).  Perhaps the crappiest thing about my commute is that I have to transfer like, smack dab in the middle of the route; additionally, the line on which I spend the most time is one of the deadest lines in Seoul.  It's not terribly crowded, but it's just crowded enough so that there are never any seats, and because the line passes through the middle of nowhere, NOBODY ever gets off.  I could literally count on one hand the number of people who get off between Beotigogae and Samgakji.  I stand.

Another aside: WHAT THE HELL is up with the Korean girl/boy who is dead asleep on the subway with her/his headphones on?  First of all, if you are asleep, you might not hear your stop; second of all, if you are also listening to music while asleep, you are DEFINITELY not hearing your stop.  Am I out of the loop on some mysterious secret to not riding the subway to the damn end of the line while also managing to get some rest?

Moving on.

Fun things I have noticed about living with a Korean family:
1) I have been here for almost two weeks and still have no idea where this family throws out their garbage.
2) The Hans apparently believe in fan death.  That, or they subscribe to the idea that leaving the air conditioner on at night is bad for one's health.  I sweat.
3) I remember hearing last year that Koreans believe it is poor for digestion to drink beverages while eating meals.  Here is another thing that the Hans apparently subscribe to; during dinner, we get nothing to drink, but just as everyone is finishing up, 어머님 will pour everyone like, half a small glass of orange juice or water.  I thirst.
4) Gender roles are, in some capacity, still fairly strictly enforced in some houses; while this is obviously not indicative of Korean society as a whole, it's interesting to observe - particularly when you consider that Unni's parents definitely do not ascribe their beliefs (whether admitted or simply acted upon out of habit) about gender onto their two daughters.
5) This family (again, perhaps not indicative of all) is health-obsessed.  There is no crap in this house.  Dessert is always fruit (although that definitely can't be terribly common, since fruit is wildly expensive here), and the food is always overwhelmingly nutritious, even in large quantities.  I'm amazed I haven't gained any weight, but then again, I'm not really eating crap.

In related-to-nothing-else-at-all news, I have finally picked myself up and started meeting all those friends and people from last year/Yale who I haven't yet seen.  Last Friday, Unni and I went to our friend Suon Unni's wedding; Unni and a bunch of other girls from the Yale School of Music were playing in a cello/piano ensemble during the ceremony.  It was my first time at a Korean wedding, and it was kind of ridiculously short and informal (although the ceremony itself was beautiful and I cried, because I'm a horrid sap), but it was SO NICE to see some of my beloved unnies again - Jeong-ah Unni and Yoonhee Unni were both there :)  I'm trying to meet up with both of them again soon.

Last week, I also saw my dear friend Michelle Cho, who will be here for a year (!) and will totes be my friend when everyone else ditches me for America.  We went to my favorite ddeokbokki restaurant, which Michelle herself introduced me to last year, and then hit up the area around Ewha Womans University for shopping and patbingsu.  I bought shoes.  You should see them; they're uber cute.  And Unni liked them so much that she asked me to get her a pair, so now we have matching shoes and should I be horrified about that?  UM NO because it's adorable.

Today and yesterday were also chock-full-o-people that I really should have met sooner; yesterday, fellow Light Fellow (redundant) Elizabeth Kim and I teamed up for Operation Find-That-Hair-Salon-That-Dana-Went-To-Last-Year-And-Really-Liked.  It was a success, and both of us got haircuts and I became a...um...member(?) of the JaThree Salon, which entitles me to...something.  I think it's 10% off haircuts and a couple of coupons.  Since I'll be here for a year, I couldn't see how it would hurt.  Also, the unnie who cut my hair was like, the cutest thing ever.  I'll definitely be going back.

Aaaand today, I met the one and only Hayeon Lee, whose picture I posted either in the last entry or the entry before that.  We went to a cafe near her house for desserts and chatted for a few hours, and it was beyond wonderful to see her again.  Also, because it got late and we were hungry and waiting for Hayeon's next engagement to show up, we went to Kimbap Heaven, where Hayeon surprised me (and herself) but eating food from a crappy chain restaurant!  Albeit with kind of a distrustful expression.

I think I've rambled on for enough time here, and I realize that the problem is trying to cram too much into one update; this ought to be rectified when I move into my apartment and thus have more steady access to the internet and perhaps provide shorter, more regular updates.  Until then, enjoy these very few pictures that are woefully inadequate in terms of providing images of my first two weeks and sorry for the verbosity.

homemade lunch !  this is bulgogi, dwenjang jjigae made from homemade dwenjang, and the usual banchan (Unni partially pictured in background)

feast @ Kimbap Heaven with Hay Hay

Pictures of subways, Korean things, and my apartment forthcoming.

* The nickname for Korean soccer fans is Red Devils, and I don't know why this is.  That used to be a slang term for communists, a.k.a NORTH KOREANS.  Additionally, one of the slogans is like, "Korea United!" or some ridiculous crap like that.  Did they forget that the North Korean team is also in this tournament?  Did they...forget that they're not united?  I just don't understand.

이제 부터 다시 시작해*

* = from now, let's begin again (ee-jay bu-teoh da-shi shi-jak-hae)

I started this post and then deleted everything, because I realized that this first "I'm in Korea!" post has to be compartmentalized.  I put it off for too long, and there was too much that I wanted to say, and it just got sloppy and boring.  Plus, I know that the very, very few people who read this blog may not care about anything everything, so we can do this like a choose-your-own-ending novel.

Table of Contents:
1) Arrival
2) Where I live now
3) Where I will live later
4) What I am doing
5) Sogang & classes

SHIIIJAK (this means, "let's start!")

1) How was your flight?
Long and tedious.  It was my first direct flight to Korea, and while I was grateful for not having to put up with the hassle of a layover, 14 hours is a damn long time to be on a plane.  I flew Korean Air, which every Korean and their mother professed to be a life-changing airline, but I don't think any airline can really successfully minimize the annoyance of a trip that long.  The fact that they serve bibimbap on the flight should really not be an incentive for anyone.  On the whole, I think Singapore Airlines was better in terms of in-flight comfort and entertainment.  I was a bit wierded out by the clone-like flight attendants that all spoke in the same eerily cheerful voice, too.

But the whole trip was worth it to see Jung Min Unni and her mom(! they drove all the way from Apgju to come get me!) smiling and waving at me from Gate F at Incheon International Airport.  To use the words of a favorite writer of fiction, "It's like seeing purple, and everyone else is blind."  I was so filled with so many emotions when I met them - nerves, profound relief, happiness, exhaustion - that I could barely say anything in greeting.  Any awkwardness evaporated almost instantly, though, and the three of us shared a really fun car ride back to the city.  Even though we'd only been apart for a week, I missed Unni terribly while I was at home.  It was amazing to see her again.

2) So you live where...?
As mentioned, I'm staying with Unni and her family in Apgujeong, the plastic surgery hub of Seoul (but don't let it fool you - this place is boss.  It's beautiful, clean, and convenient.  I can totally see why people want to live here).  It's a tad inconvenient, because I have to commute about an hour to school every morning, but I don't really mind, because living here > the suckery of a morning commute.  Unni's family is so generous and giving - I don't even have words to describe how kind they have been to me.  Her mom is the cutest thing ever - she's learning English, and she takes every possible opportunity to practice with me (ironic, in that I try my best to practice formal Korean with her).  She also has fed me to the point where I am convinced she is planning to sell my liver on the foie gras black market.  Not that I'm complaining - I'm totally cool with all the homemade Korean food.  But I feel so incredibly indebted to the point where I just don't think anything I could do would be enough to pay these people back for their overwhelming kindness.  They have gone out of their way to help me with absolutely everything, and they treat me like one of their own even though they've only known me for about 4 days.  I feel really lucky to have arrived to such a warm welcome.  I think that they really embody the Korean idea of 정,  jung, which is kind of an abstract concept that refers to the depth/strength of the bond between people.  정, as I'm told, has little to do with how long you've known a person, but everything to do with the quality of the bond between you.  I understood this concept when I first met Unni, because we haven't known each other for very long, but that means almost nothing when you consider our relationship, which is surprisingly deep and trusting for two people who've known each other for less than a year.  I am not surprised to find that her family is the same.  그 가족에 그 딸아야.

3) You can't live there forever, you know.
Watch me, fools!  Duh.  Which is why I found an apartment.  Well, apartment is a generous term - coffin might be more accurate.  It's an incredibly small studio that I found after stalking Craigslist for 2 months, and aside from the size, it's perfect - 3 minutes from the Sinchon Metro station and fully furnished with air conditioning, high speed internet, a bed, a desk, a chair, a stovetop, a microwave, a fridge, a closet, cabinets, a shoe rack, etc.  It also has - say it with me now - my own bathroom (gawd, I have waited years for this).  The price is very hard to argue with - it comes to a deposit of roughly $3000 (very cheap for Korea, trust me) and a monthly rent of $~530.  Keyless locks = good security, too.

I looked around at some other places - Unni's family really didn't want me to live in Sinchon, because they think the environment is bad for me.  Well, no one is saying the environment in Sinchon is good by any means, but it's really convenient.  They took me to a real estate agent in Yeonhui-dong, which is the next town over from Sinchon, and the places there were nice and spacious and cheap - but there is no metro in Yeonhui-dong.  I couldn't justify the extra commute by bus just to get to the subway (I'd also have to take the bus to school), and so the boxy Sinchon room won out.

All that being said, I will probably be living here at Unni's for the next two weeks.  In all of my carefully detailed research (sarcasm) regarding apartments in Korea, I never found out that I would need a foreigner's registration card in order to cut a contract.  I don't have a card yet, and it takes like, 10 days to make one - so I won't be able to move in anywhere until the 20th or so of this month.  I guess it means an extra two weeks of getting up super early to commute, and of sharing a room (and bed) with unni, and I worried a lot that I would become a burden (I did not plan on living with them for that long).  But I think it will be fine in the end...I am grateful for the opportunity to get to know and live with this family, especially since Unni will be going back to Yale in the fall.

4) Zomg you in Korea!  Whatchu doin'?
Stuff.  I live with a family, and so my independence is checked somewhat - but I've been slowly recovering from jetlag and hanging out with Unni and her sister, Yunji.  We do fun stuff.  Now that I'm out and about every day from 9am to 1pm, I'll probably get a bit more active.  This section forthcoming.

5) You're not there to shit around, you're there to go to school!
Ah, that's right. Well, I started school today (two days late, because I decided to stay at home for a bit longer at the expense of covering one lesson at Sogang), and it was somewhat of a disappointing day.

Let me begin by referencing the horror that was the Level 2/Level 3 debacle of last summer.  To summarize it for the unfamiliar, I was placed in Level 3 at Sogang despite having covered barely half of Level 2 in my one year of instruction at Yale.  I spent the better part of the summer playing catch up - in addition to learning all of the new Level 3 material, I had to teach myself all of the Level 2 grammar and vocabulary that I was missing.  For awhile, classes were miserable and so was I.  Determined to not repeat this, I decided I would not try to jump any levels this time around.  I emailed Sogang and told them I did not want to take the placement test for advancement, and confirmed that I would be happy solidifying everything I've learned already in Level 4 and then progressing from there.  I'm in this country for a year - I have absolutely nothing to gain by trying to race through Sogang.  Better to take it slow.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I tried to find my name on the Level 4 class lists and discovered that it wasn't there.  I inquired at the office, but before they could get back to me, some Yalies found me and informed that I was supposed to be in their class.  Their - wait for it - Level 5 class.

Shock!  Horror!  This was no good.  I immediately went back to the office and asked why the hell my request to be in Level 4 was not honored, only to be informed that my instructor from Yale had called to tell Sogang where to place everyone.

Fury.

I've long had problems with the Korean department at Yale, but this was the the final straw (okay, that's dramatic, because I am in all likelihood never going to have to deal with Yale's Korean department ever again).  But seriously, I've always thought that Lee Sunsaengnim overestimated the abilities of her students based superficially on how long they've been studying and what classes they've taken instead of their actual proficiency.  This is confirmation of how completely out of touch she is with Korean language education.  How this was taken seriously is beyond me - the heritage classes don't even use Sogang books, and there is no way she understands how difficult the levels at Sogang are (it's not like they match the ones at Yale).  Does she think it makes her look better to have all of her students placed above Level 2?  On the contrary, I think it makes us look like morons because we get to these classes and can't do much more than sit there and stew in our confusion and failure to understand.  Let Sogang do their job.  Their placement system is far from perfect, but it's far better than the estimation of a teacher who has almost negative understanding of how Sogang develops the proficiency of its students.  Someone needs to put a stop to that.

Rant over.

Level 4 seems like it will be fine.  I never made it to my writing class, but my speaking teacher is exceedingly sweet.  As though last year wishes desperately to repeat itself, my listening/reading teacher speaks approximately 4,915 words a minute and kind of makes my head spin.  It's...a challenge.

Of course, there's a lot of homework, and of course it's completely taken it out of me for the evening.  I need sleep, and I should probably take advantage of the full double bed while Unni is still out having coffee with her friend.

Jangmiiii out.