말해봐*

* = tell me.

HEY GUYS, someone just posted a thought-provoking comment (on my ridiculous "I hate you SK" post, which is a few entries back) and I answered!  This is just to let people know that this is okay and, in fact, encouraged.  I like talking about things!  Almost as much as I like talking about myself, which, let's face it, is probably reason number one why this blog exists (my fellowship requirements being a close second).

Oh, and if you want to ask a question or post a comment, I'd appreciate it if you at least left a name.  One of my favorite blogs, Ask a Korean!, labels all people who don't offer names in their queries "anonymous coward."  I'm not gonna go that far, but I'll be the first to admit that I am a little high-strung and anonymous comments make me nervous and kick my already-overactive imagination into high gear.  Go figure.

I hope everyone had a blessed and wonderful Christmas (I know I did!  And I'll post pictures of the kind of wacky cake-making party that took place after Christmas service at my church at a time that isn't 3 in the morning)!  Peace in the Middle East, fools (and on the Korean peninsula, too).

크리스마스*

* = "Christmas"; pronounced Keu-ree-seu-ma-seu.  Yes.

Merry Christmas from me, Taeyeon, and Tiffany!  Taeyeon's video is a particularly hilarious abuse of English pronunciation; I think the best was "Jack Frost," but I'll leave that up to you.

Today was a whopping 14 degrees Fahrenheit in the good ol' ROK, and it felt every bit of it.  I took a walk up to Ewha Womans University (about 15-20 minutes from my apartment), and my ears hurt for about 2 hours after I got back.  This is not entirely my fault; I have been trying to buy a winter hat for at least the past two and a half weeks, but my head is literally just too small.  My friend Jungran Unni tried to solve this problem by sticking a pair of earmuffs on my head, only to have them slide down to my neck because they, too, did not fit properly.  I guess proportionally, I am just not right for this country; small head, huge eyes, larger-than-A-cup chest, butt.  At least I can always find a size 6 shoe...

This is my first winter in Korea, and even though it is mighty cold, I already like it better than summer - but then again, I'd like pretty much anything better than the Korean summer (except maybe the Southeast Asian summer, although I've never been, so I can't say with 100% certainty).  The air is dry, the sky trends from very clear blue to gray-looks-like-snow, and the streets abound with piping hot fast food stands to fill your belly.  All of Korea's natural splendor (snort) is also dead; I was actually surprised to see all the dead grass at Ewha, and then I realized that it's been a while since I've encountered grass of any kind.  City life.

I have been keeping my apartment at a (perhaps unreasonably) toasty 24 degrees Celsius (75.5 in Fahrenheit), abusing my freedom from my father's oppressive 65 degree limit with reckless abandon.  Turns out that my heating bill is separate from my monthly utilities fee.  Wish someone had told me that sooner; but   I like the heat too much to sacrifice my comfort for a few extra bucks (I tried lowering it yesterday and put it right back up to where it was within 2 hours).  Also, I've discovered that having 온돌 (ondol, or heat that comes through my floor instead of through vents) has encouraged the unhealthy habit of flinging clothes that I wear often around the house (socks, pajamas, sweatpants/shirts) onto the floor so that they'll be warm when I put them on again.

My plans for Christmas involve church, cake decorating (I got a message from a church friend telling me to bring cake toppings with me tomorrow - she suggested canned fruit, which implied, as she later confessed, that she has never baked a cake before in her life), and dinner with friends afterward.  This year is a weird one - no tree, no cookies, no seafood on Christmas Eve (actually, no nothing on Christmas Eve, because the most I did today was eat 라볶이 twice), no family, and people that I have only known for a couple of weeks.  But there have been smatterings of loveliness and no doubt there will be more.  I'm looking forward to celebrating with my friends at Somang, and to giving JM's family their gifts - I got her dad a tie!  It felt like the fulfillment of something all children should do for their father(figure), but because my father wears ties like twice a year, it was never a proper gift.  I also got her mom a pair of earrings, which involved enduring the stares of no less than 11 jewelry vendors at 신세계 department store, an agonizing decision between obsydian and white stones, and two female vendors holding both pairs up to a picture of JM's mom on my digital camera to see which pair would match better with her hair, skin tone, and clothing color palate.  I feel like this would only happen in Korea.  And then they asked me if I was from France.

Best part of today: I waited in the frigid cold for about 15 minutes for the 호떡 stand (hoddeok, Korean street pancakes filled with cinnamon sugar and chopped nuts - a fabulous winter snack)  to get set up and going, but had to give up because my nose felt like it was gonna fall off.  I stumbled into my apartment building feeling slightly dejected, only to be greeted by my landlady's husband, who presented me with half a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts, promising more food later.  LOVE.

I am on school break now, so if you're in Seoul and bored, holla at yo girl; I have literally nothing to do for the next 10 days.

An Open Letter to South Korea

 pre-script: I had another topic for a blog post in mind, but today's events have led me to postpone talking about how Korean winter hats don't fit my head and instead talk about the very precarious situation on the peninsula.  It is so precarious that I have decided that this is no time to even think about posting a kitschy K-pop video and using its mind-numbingly stupid lyrics in a titular fashion.  Also, I'm sorry in advance if this sounds garbled or generalizes horribly; it is literally just a stream of consciousness, that is how frustrated I am.

Dear South Korea:

For a long time, I've been a pretty big fan of yours.  I have been a general enthusiast of your food, your popular culture, your history, your modern politics, and (most obviously) your language; I even moved to your capital city and decided to devote the rest of my life to studying you.  But I believe that even your biggest supporters and best friends owe you their honesty; why, what kind of best friend would JM be if she didn't tell me when she thought I was screwing up, or wearing a hideous outfit?  And that's why I've decided to take off the gloves and tell you how I really feel about what you did today.

A military drill on Yeonpyeong-do, South Korea?  Really?  A live-fire exercise that you know North Korea was not going to respond kindly to?  They only said it about a billion times using their most inflammatory rhetoric, claiming that they were going to deal unpredictable and devastating deadly blows if you went through with it.  And even though BBC is reporting now that North Korea will not strike back (OMG DID YOU GUYS REALLY PRAY LIKE I ASKED YOU TO?  Because I just heaved an enormous sigh of relief, for reals), I would like to tell you that your actions today indicated to me a degree of irresponsibility that is troubling and disappointing.  It was a display of irresponsibility to your people, your military, and your global position as an emerging "superpower."  I can't believe I am going to agree with Russia and China, of all nations, but they were right when they urged restraint and diplomacy.  And you know, I fucking hate China.

Look, I get it.  You're in a really tight spot.  You had a horrifically weak military response to the initial shelling of Yeonpyeong-do, and all of your citizens made fun of how puny and sad your defense seemed, so you beefed crap up, got a new defense minister, and, in what appears to be an attempt to save face and flex your military muscle, planned all of these big scary military exercises.  You don't want to be seen as giving in to an aggressor, or sending North Korea a signal that this kind of behavior is acceptable (which it obviously is not).  That's fine, except that the people you are trying to scare do not like these exercises, and moreover, believe that the exercises you held today were taking place in North Korean waters.  Therefore, it matters not that you did not aim your missiles at North Korea; no matter where they landed, they still think it was in "territory" controlled by North Korea!  And they believe, however wrongly, that this is an attack on their territory (because, as mentioned, THEY THINK IT IS THEIR TERRITORY) and that they should have a right to respond to what they view (again, however wrongly), as military provocation.  Which, South Korea, is basically the same thing YOU said in defense of your right to hold the military exercises in the first place.

The United States says these are standard military exercises and has supported your right to defend yourself, despite the North's outrage and consistent threats of bloody retaliation.  I hate to say this, SK, but amid all of this, it almost looks as though Russia and China care more about your own citizenry than you and your number 1 ally do (even though we are all well aware that they are only invested in keeping the peace because they don't want to get dragged into a war, not because they are big fans of SNSD or anything and want to make sure that they survive a North Korean military barrage to put on another show).  But seriously - how far were you willing to go to prove a point?  Would you be willing to risk another shelling of the now-mostly-abandoned Yeonpyeong-do?  Maybe a few bombs on another similarly-unpopulated island?  A few missiles aimed at your financial district in Seoul?  How far, really?  Because no matter how far YOU are willing to go, there is really no telling how far North Korea will go, and that, South Korea, should give you more pause than anything.  Screw looking like an incapable baby; what, do you really think that nobody knows how powerful your military is?  Do you really think that nobody realizes that your military plus America's military would take out all of North Korea in a New York minute if war were to erupt?  Is it that necessary to demonstrate it within 7 miles of North Korea's coastline, especially when you really have no foolproof method to predict exactly how North Korea will respond?

I am not a Korean citizen.  I do not share in the emotions of this people.  2 of my soldiers were not killed on Yeonpyeong-do; 2 of my fellow citizens were not killed.  But 4 of my fellow human beings were killed, and I am saying to you right now, South Korea, that if you want to play with human life like that, putting it at risk all for the sake of showing how big and scary your guns are, then you are no better than North Korea.  I am not a politician, nor a military strategist, nor a Korean, nor a professor; I do not know the right answer to the North Korean problem.  But mark my words, I know a wrong one when I see it.  This was a wrong one.  You and your people (or some of them) might have believed in earnest that a military exercise was the strongest way to respond to North Korea, but I think it was a weak one.  The strong response is one that respects human life on both sides of the 38th parallel, the one that strives for peace and not war, the one that seeks to deal with this crisis (for it most certainly is one) in a manner that does not threaten the very foundations of global security.  You might think that restraint is a sign of weakness, South Korea, but let me say this: restraint does not send a message that you are bowing down to the whim and fancy of Kim Jong Il and Co, but that you bow down to a higher authority and standard, one that places a premium on life and liberty over pride and egotism.  The right thing and the hard thing are often one and the same.  Swallow your pride, and don't ever, ever do something like this again.

Regards,
Dana

p.s. God bless Bill Richardson.

주님은 주시며 주님은 찾으시네*

* = You give and You take (주 이름 찬양 - church-goers will recognize this as a [quite good] translation of the praise song "Blessed be The Name."  I know, I know - just bear with me here.

There was an air raid in Seoul today.  It wasn't a catastrophic one - it was planned and orchestrated and unless you happened to be outside or on public transport while it was going on, the average person's life wasn't really affected (I was home the entire time, bothered by nothing except the sirens that blared for about 20 minutes).  I saw some coverage of it on the news while eating dinner at one of my local eateries of choice, and most of the kids in the restaurant who were watching started laughing as footage was shown of people bundled up in winter coats and scarves being given faces masks, being herded into underground bomb shelters, and made to take cover as though bombs were falling from the sky.

Two things:
1) Why are you laughing, Koreans?
2) I never thought I'd ever see an air raid, largely because I was born just before the collapse of the Soviet Union, and anyway, I think America realized that having students hide under the desks with their arms above their heads probably wasn't going to be very effective if NYC were to be nuked.  But thumbs up to living in the only relic of what is supposed to be the dead Cold War.  I am trying to remember if I ever thought that something like this - witnessing an air raid - was even a possibility before I moved here.  I don't think it was, although I did move around the time of the sinking of the Cheonhan - so I was semi-prepared to face a little more than trivial uncertainty when it came to Pyeongyang.

To comment ever so briefly (snort) on the first, it used to be absolutely astonishing (to me, anyway) that Koreans are so unaffected by this mess with North Korea.  아버님,  JM's dad, told me that he was certain there wouldn't be a war, and her mom didn't really remark much on it except asking me if I knew what to do in an emergency (NB for American readers: go to the sports dome in Jamsil to be evacuated up outta this joint), and offering that she told JM, her eldest daughter, to "take care of her sister" if anything were to happen.  But other than that, daily life continues here like no other.  Among my friends, I would say I am the biggest news-monger, the one who googles NK news 3-4 times an hour and is consistently bringing up North Korea - it's like I want someone to tell me to get the hell out of here because the powder keg is gonna blow at any moment.

A lot of people have asked me how I feel, if I am worried.  I wrote this in answer to a friend who emailed me this question back in May, when the international investigation found North Korea responsible for torpedoing the Cheonhan:

"But let me ask you one thing - are the people you're talking to Koreans?  Because if they're not (even if they are living in Korea), they will talk about any perceived threat from North Korea from the perspective of a foreigner, without the understanding of what it is like to live under this threat.  And to be honest, nobody except for Koreans is qualified to talk about what it is like to live - permanently - 30 miles from the DMZ.  In my experience, it's a lot like talking to Israelis; Americans can talk big talk about how horrible it is to live over there, what with the threat of terrorism (especially during the second Intifada in the early 2000s), but my friends from Israel were never, ever as concerned as outsiders were.  You can't be, or life just slows to a halt.  Similarly, none of the Koreans I've spoken to have expressed more than average concern about Kim Jong Il.  Keep in mind that they've lived there for years and years, and he's been firing off these sorts of threats periodically throughout their lifetimes.  I just don't think we, as foreigners, could possibly comment knowledgeably on how we SHOULD be feeling about the current situation when this is reality for millions of Koreans.

War on the Korean peninsula is always a possibility, and the political situation right now is admittedly very bad.  I'm not thrilled with it by any means, but I've been following it as closely as possible and there are so many dimensions to what is going on right now that it's not even funny.  Potential power transition in the North coupled with already strained relations since Lee took office, plus the everpresent nuclear thing, plus I don't know what else - it's insane.  I agree with many who claim that China is the pivotal card here.  They're reluctant to condemn the North, but I don't think China would outright support them if they were to wage war, and a war would be honestly suicidal for the Kim regime in Pyongyang.  A dictator is not really concerned with anything more than the survival of his regime, and the regime would collapse if the North opted for war - and you can be sure as shit that Kim Jong Il knows that.

I don't think anything's gonna be decided immediately, and it's my hope (or imagination) that this is gonna wind up being a lot of diplomatic smoke with little tangible result on either side (I mean, South Korea's hands are really tied - they can't do ANYTHING, especially not retaliate militarily, and North Korea already gets aid from basically no one, so what the hell are sanctions gonna do?).  God forbid anything else happen, at least you are an American citizen.  Get the address of the embassy, learn it, and figure out how to get there in the event of any danger (I think it's around City Hall - don't quote me on that, though)."

Obviously, I think recent events have rendered my last few points kind of impotent; there is no question that the South must respond militarily if the North attacks its civilians again.  To clarify, I am NOT AFRAID of the North attacking Seoul; such an act would mean a global war without question (the number of shells that North Korea fired at the sparsely populated Yeonpyeong-do killed four; fired into a normally congested area of Seoul, they could kill thousands), and it would most likely spell the end of Pyeongyang as a city.  My real concerns are (1) a chain reaction, and (2) China.  Let's suppose that NK shells another island in disputed waters.  A few civilians are killed.  The South must now retaliate militarily; but how do they do this?  And if they retaliate, what does Pyeongyang do?  Is this enough to catapult this peninsula back into total war?  The South must tread extremely carefully; it is absolutely impossible to forget that (read this carefully) a nuclear-armed North Korea is not a threat to South Korea because North Korea could, with a snap of KJI's fingers, destroy a good half of Seoul using little more than conventional weaponry and ballistic missiles, which are aimed at this capital city 24/7.  Admittedly, destroying Seoul would definitely be the last thing that KJI ever did, because America would just destroy Pyeongyang and probably the rest of North Korea right back.  But....god, everything is just one long "but" after the other.  The scariest thing about this situation (as WikiLeaks revealed) is that 80% of what goes on at the government level in dealing with these questions is basic guesswork.

And China.  Well, I don't need to go into great detail here, but if war - real war - does break out between North and South, and China were to side with the North, then you've got World War III right there with the two global and regional hegemons duking it out.  Expect the involvement of basically the entire planet.  Samuel Huntington, anyone?

Which brings me to the title of this post.  I have heard some absolutely insane theories about this conflict (the North is the scourge of God - God's punishment because South Korean churches are corrupt, etc etc - one day I'll post about this country's obsession with mega-churches and whacked-out brands of Christianity), but it certainly wouldn't hurt if my readers - and everyone who is out there - prayed to whatever or whoever they believe in ( for the record, I'm Catholic at heart, so if you are not drinking the Jesus-juice, I don't think you guys are going to Hell) for rationality, sensibility, and peace to prevail in this situation.  And if not peace, at the very least for there to not be an escalation that leaves two countries and one people completely devastated.

Amen.

훗훗훗!

* = Hoot Hoot Hoot!

Hello, blogosphere!  It's been awhile.

Another apology for once again disappearing for forever the better part of the fall (is it really December?  Time has been moving faster than usual lately).  This time, my absence was not due to some vague, separation-induced depression, but actually had a far more relieving cause: I simply got too busy to blog.

Wait, what?  Dana, you say, wasn't it not so long ago that you were whining and bitching about being lonely and having no money and nothing to do?  Well, yes, it was; but suddenly that all changed with four shocking new developments: 1) all of a sudden, a bunch of people wanted me to teach them English and now I have 4 clients (sort of) and am south of the Han River on most weekdays tutoring, 2) I made friends and like spending time with them, 3) Level 5 ate my life, and 4) I decided to apply to graduate school for admission next September.

The first really needs no elaborating, except that I am in love with all of my tutorees (all of whom are friends of Jung Min Unni's parents).  They are SO NICE to me, it's absurd; for one, they are definitely overpaying me, and for two, they feed me ridiculous amounts of food.  I mentioned this to a certain unni of mine once, and her reply was, "Oh, well...they're Catholic, so they really believe in giving charity to the poor."  THANKS.  But seriously, such good jobs, such good people, and such an unparalleled and beautiful opportunity to get to know more people in this country.

The second will get elaboration in the form of photos (and walls of text; I would be remiss if I didn't sing everyone's praises individually and then make you sit through it).

은아 언니!  Euna is one of JM's friends from college and also happens to be super cute.  She is doing a master's program at Ewha, so we used to run into each other randomly around the university (I am guilty of shopping there entirely too often).  We are pictured here in an Italian restaurant in motherfucking Itaewon, where we drank a full bottle of champagne and ate pizza with walnuts, gorgonzola cheese, and honey on it (seriously, Korea?).

My friends from 소망 교회 (Somang (Hope) Church, located in Apgujeong-dong).  Even I still can't believe I joined a church, but I have to admit that everyone there is basically lovely and I really enjoy going.  I attend worship service for college students every Saturday.  The worship and service are entirely in Korean, so I maybe understand about 60% of what's going on, but hey, at least it's listening practice?  But because they put the words to the songs on a big projector, I can follow along - it's just like karaoke!  This picture is from my 22nd birthday (Oct 16, so you can all send me your belated congratulatory wishes) - they got me an ice cream cake!

SEOUL PHILHARMONIC UNNIES.  I wish that this picture wasn't blurry.  Oh my God, I love these girls.  This is also from my birthday (Jiwon Unni, pictured second up from the right, also had a birthday in October, so we had a little joint party).  What a wonderful bunch of women.  I feel so lucky to know these people.

I have definitely said in this blog (I think?) that I believe we meet everyone we do for a reason, and Habin, my language partner, is absolutely no exception.  The fact that we were able to meet at all is almost miraculous, because she just happened to post on the Ewha message board the day that I decided to look there to find a language partner; the fact that we actually really like and get along with each other is definitely miraculous.  I am so grateful to her for being someone I know I can always count on in Korea, and I really look forward to spending the next 6 months rollin' with this girl (p.s. she's graduating soon!  OH MAH GAD!).

The most amazing, wonderful people in Korea - JM Unni's parents :) They have always treated me like a daughter, and for that I am grateful beyond words.  I actually don't even know what to say here, that is how much I love these people.  I...I just really love them.  My relationship with them has made my time in Korea so much more meaningful.

That was so sweet.  I might have shed a tear.

Anyway, the third also needs very little elaboration and can probably be summed up with the phrase, "Level 5 is a bitch."  And it really is.  I have never, ever worked so hard at Sogang.  The level was made worse by the fact that my teacher was kind of a bitch herself (and not that great at teaching) and the lack of any resting time (we only had 3 days off in the entire semester).  By the time finals rolled around, I was half-dead.  But the upshot is that though the level was incredibly challenging and very demanding, I learned a TON and definitely improved in all critical areas.  My speaking final grade was the highest of any of my other speaking finals, which was surprising and really encouraging.  I think I'm finally getting the hang of this, you guys!

And the fourth: yes.  I am applying to grad school.  My apps (all two of them) are due in two weeks-ish, and because Amurrican grad schools require the GRE, a solid portion of my fall semester was spent studying for that (not that it really did me any good to prepare, stupid standardized tests).  My top choice (and I will probably regret putting this on so public a forum) is Harvard, where I hope to pursue a master's degree under the Regional Studies - East Asia program; my backup is the University of Washington, which actually has a Korea Studies master's program within the Jackson School of International Studies.

I know, I know.  Originally, I wasn't planning to apply to grad school so soon; I entertained a thousand other options, like staying in Korea to work for 1-2 years after I finish the Light Fellowship, going to graduate school at a Korean university, joining the Korean circus and eloping with the ringmaster (okay, obviously I made the last one up).  But a couple of things made me change my mind:
- Despite my repeated insistence while working at SML that graduate students were the most miserable creatures on earth, I realized that I miss classroom learning and am comfortable in the academic calendar.
- Recent tensions on the Korean peninsula, dating all the way back to the March sinking of the Cheonhan, have further inspired me to want to do something meaningful and worthwhile with my linguistic abilities.
- I realized that I am not a do-er and therefore would probably make a miserable diplomat or ambassador (crying in front of world leaders would be horribly embarrassing), but I have a great passion for learning about Korea and talking about Korea, and it would make me exceedingly happy to devote my life to educating American students about the importance of Korea so that some of those students may go out and...er, do things.  Essentially, I realized that I want to become a professor of Korean studies, to do research and work that contributes to the American understanding of Korea as an extremely geopolitically and strategically important peninsula in terms of global security.  I want to be part of a growing movement in academia to establish and grow Korean studies programs at prominent American universities; my dream is to be part of establishing one at Yale.  How do I do this?  I go to grad school.  And since all of this will undoubtedly require a doctorate and years and years of study, I want to get to it while I'm still young.  The RSEA program at Harvard is a necessary first step to that doctorate because the dearth of coursework on Korea available at Yale has left me with an embarrassingly paltry arsenal of knowledge about Korea's political, social, and cultural history.  Being passionate will only get me so far; I need to seriously substantiate it.
- Some will remember that I took a trip to America in November (which was lovely, by the way), and on the runway as the plane was about to take off at Incheon Airport, I realized that I can never, ever, ever leave Korea for good without the prospect of coming back.  I love this country.  I love these people.  I love this language.  And I want to ensure that my future is full of (funded) chances to come back and learn, live, and work here.  I am fairly confident that getting into a grad program, particularly the one at Harvard, will not only allow, but will require to me to come back here at least once every year, for research or internship purposes, and that prospect makes me exceedingly happy...except for the fact that I hate the Korean summer.  Oh well.  I could learn to live with it.

So that's that, and my fall was spent doing research, studying for that damned GRE, working on a personal statement, and doing pretty much everything I can to make this happen.  I won't know til March if I've gotten in, but I think I've certainly put my best foot forward.  Wish me luck!

I really want to get back to posting regularly, because I have things to say that people should read.  I want to talk about how I went to a Korean eye doctor to treat an eye infection and wound up having to get hard contact lenses (true life: the doctor had trouble finding lenses that fit me because my eyes are "larger than the average Korean's."  Really, Korea?).  I want to talk about my day-to-day observations, which are getting more interesting as I'm getting better at Korea and have been here for longer.  And I want to talk about the developing tensions between the Koreas (I'm fine, guys.  No war yet.  But seriously, fuck you, China.  I hate you).

And so I'll make every effort to come back and post - I promise!  Consider it an early New Year's resolution.

p.s. If you're back in Korea on winter break, holla at me!  JM arrives in a week, SO MUCH HAPPINESS :)
p.p.s. my new banner pays tribute to four of my very best Korean friends in the world - 재원 언니, 정민 언니, 신 동생, 재인 언니.  Though we are all in separate places, I love you girls and miss you every single day.